A 52-Year-Old Woman is Arrested for Selling Porno VHS Tapes Door-to-Door:
Last week, 52-year-old Jeanette Ellis of Gaffney, South Carolina found a BIG BOX OF PORNO sitting out on the curb near her house. Someone had put it out for garbage collection, and there was a good reason why.
It was porno on VHS. And NO ONE watches porno on VHS anymore.
But Jeanette didn't know that, or didn't care. Because she picked up the box . . . and started an impromptu career as a DOOR-TO-DOOR VHS PORN SALESWOMAN.
She started knocking on doors, offering her neighbors VHS porno tapes for the low, low price of $5 each.
Someone called the cops, and Jeanette was arrested for soliciting sales without a permit. The police department seized the box of porno as evidence.
A Man Steals Two Beer Cans by Shoving Them in His Pants . . . Then Tells the Clerk the Bulge Is From His Junk:
Last week, in Somerville, Massachusetts, 26-year-old Jonathan Scull went to a liquor store and stole two tall boy cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon by shoving them down his pants.
But when he tried to walk out, a female clerk spotted him and asked him why he had the mysterious bulge. He responded, quote, "It's my penis."
But here was the problem. By that point, the cans had migrated from his groin area down to his ankle. And the clerk rightly pointed out that the bulge around his ANKLE clearly was NOT his junk.
He grabbed one of the beers from his pants, threw it at her, and took off running. She called the police.
They quickly caught up with Jonathan and arrested him. As they were cuffing him, he told them that if they weren't cops he'd, quote, "kick the [s***] out of them."
He's facing charges of threat to commit a crime, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, shoplifting by concealment, and resisting arrest.
A High-School Teacher With Six Kids and a Wife Fighting Cancer Won $20,000 By Hitting a Half-Court Shot:
Heath Kufahl is a teacher at Christian Heritage Academy in Del City, Oklahoma. He also coaches volleyball and basketball, and is an advisor for the school newspaper.
He does so many extracurricular activities because Heath has a lot of mouths to feed . . . he supports a family of EIGHT on his teaching salary. He used to spend his time trying to qualify for "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire".
And money became even tighter last year, when his wife Jenni was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer. Jenni's tumors are shrinking . . . which is good news. And Heath got a little help with medical expenses on Tuesday night.
He was chosen for a halftime contest at an Oklahoma City Thunder NBA game, hit a half-court shot, and won $20,000. He's the first person in two years to hit the shot and win the money.
Police Search a Woman and Find Meth in Her Buttocks . . . and a Loaded Gun in Her Lady Parts:
On Monday, around 3:45 A.M., cops in Ada, Oklahoma spotted 28-year-old Christie Dawn Harris in a parked car. Drug dogs picked up the scent of drugs, and the cops found meth and drug paraphernalia in a search.
The cops took her to jail, and the entire time, Christie kept saying she needed to go to the bathroom. And here's why.
During a strip search, a female cop found she had more meth lodged between her BUTTOCKS . . . and even better, she had a LOADED GUN sticking halfway out of her lady parts.
The cops gently removed the .22-caliber revolver and found it had three rounds in the chamber. Christine is facing felony weapons and drug charges.